Cinematic Titanic

In the far-off land of Khalid, President Amir lies on his deathbed. If this revered head-of-state dies, the brutal dictatorship that he has so lovingly cultivated will fall into a dark age of uncertainty and chaos. So, in this moment of crisis, his loyal staff are left with no alternative but to choose the only logical and sensible course of action - to transfer Amir's brain into a younger, healthier, and most importantly, living body. Enter Doctor Robert Trenton, a mad scientist of the "they all laughed at me and now I'll show them" school. He, along with his assistant, Dorro, a little man with a big appetite for evil, and Tracy, a conniving beauty with a heart that's harder than her leathery, over-tanned skin, concoct a deliriously diabolical plan involving murder, body-napping, skullduggery, and oozy, gooey brains. Afraid to watch this movie alone, aren't you? Well, now you don't have to, and neither will future generations, because The Oozing Skull has the almost historic distinction of being the first movie chosen for Cinematic Titanic's Time Tube. Tom Shales, TV critic for the Washington Post, called the episode "consistently and unfailingly funny."

American spies discover the Chinese have built a weapon capable of destroying planet Earth, a "doomsday machine" if you will, and that they plan to use it within a matter of days. Immediately, Project Astra, a manned U.S. space mission to Venus, is taken over by the military and half of its all-male crew is replaced by women just hours before launch. The reason for this becomes apparent when, shortly after Astra leaves Earth's orbit, said planet is completely destroyed (in a cataclysm of stock footage). Will the crew of the Astra make it safely to Venus? Will the human race survive? Will you wish it didn't once you've seen this movie? Not when you watch with Cinematic Titanic! The riff light is on as they go head-to-head with this 1972 non-classic.

Janice Starlin, purveyor of her own line of cosmetics, finds herself nearing middle-age (in a time when 38 was the new 94). A stranger with an accent and an unnatural love of wasps enters her life and promises her the elixer that will prolong her youth forever - until the wasp becomes the wasped. This version of THE WASP WOMAN has been altered by CINEMA TITAN, L.L.C. The alteration and distribution of this version of THE WASP WOMAN has not been authorized, sponsored by or endorsed by the original proprietors and creators of THE WASP WOMAN. CINEMA TITAN L.L.C. on behalf of itself and its licensees expressly denies and disclaims any affiliation or association of this altered version of the motion picture with the original proprietors and creators or THE WASP WOMAN.

The Dean family patriarch has died and left a fortune to his children and servants. The occasion soon turns grim when they discover they must all must spend an entire week at the family estate - together. It's all the same old family routine: backbiting, billiards, rumors and innuendo, canings, pantsuits and ham - until one by one, they start turning up dead.

The children of Mars are in a funk, and nothing on the red planet seems to be able to cheer them up. Martian King Kimar comes up with the only reasonable solution: kidnap Santa Claus from Earth's North Pole and bring him to their planet to make toys for their joyless, listless little green kids. Meanwhile, two Earth children get wise to the plan and are abducted along with Santa to prevent them from talking to the authorities. Luckily for them, Dropo, the Jerry Lewis of the fourth planet from the sun, is there to help them. The fiendish plot doesn't go according to plan, and there's plenty of intrigue, double-crossing, mistaken identity and stock footage for kids of all ages and planets to enjoy. Poorly conceived, sloppily made, and unfailingly bizarre, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the ultimate Christmas movie-riffing classic (as fans of MST3K know) which is why Cinematic Titanic chose to revisit, re-riff, and release this holiday hamfest with all new jokes. Merry Crap-mas!

Things get a bit randy in this updated version of Mary Shelley's immortal classic about er... ah... um... immortality. Why can't Dr. Frankenstein get a break? Just as our resident mad scientist is about to bring his creature back to life, he is forced to use a sub-standard brain and - you guessed it - everything runs amok. Along the way, we meet Ook and Goliath, two club-thumping Neanderthals; Genz, a revenge-obsessed dwarf; Maria and Krista, two dead-sexy biology students back from college; and Kreegin, the hunch-backed cook who has more than a passing resemblance to Abe Vigoda. The Cinematic Titanic crew, originators of movie riffing, are brought in for this, their sixth feature, and offer more hilarious commentary as they set their sights on a Frankenstein's castle chock full of angry villagers, grave robbers, and skinny dippers.