Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures

Bill & Ted are rehearsing in Bill's garage when their loud music knocks Missy's "brand-new antique" Chinese vase off its shelf. Desperate to replace the broken vase before Missy gets home, the dudes travel back to Ancient China in search of an authentic substitute. Once in China they are arrested for causing a mess in a vase store (called 1000 Vases of Dr. Lao - a joke relating to the cult movie classic The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao) and are sentenced to building the Great Wall of China (a couple of days work - which falls down as soon as they are released). Unaware that their phone booth, which was parked in a tow away zone, has been taken to Kublai Khan's palace, the dudes stop at Oodles of Noodles for some lunch. Rufus slips them a note via fortune cookie to let them know about their booth, and they have to explain the concept of Chinese take-out to the waitress named Kitten Kaboodles, who offers them a free vase which is exactly like Missy's. On their way to the palace they are shanghaied and taken aboard Marco Polo's ship, which is for the best because Kublai Khan had given Marco Polo the phone booth (claiming it would take four photos for a dollar except it was broken) as a going away gift. Bill & Ted find themselves put to work swabbing the deck and later painting the ship. Not appreciating the wild paint job the dudes do on his ship, he makes them walk the plank (and a shark ends up eating their vase), but through a wild series of mishaps they all end up taking the booth back to Italy when the ship sinks. In Italy, Marco Polo reports back to his boss, who is angry when he finds out Marco Polo forgot the rice. Bill and Ted offer the man their take out noodles instead, which he likes so much he decides to rename them (his dog Spaghetti eventually providing the inspiration). Marco Polo sees Bill and Ted off, both of whom are disappointed they didn't get a vase, until Marco offers them one of the free vases he got from the same Chinese restaurant. Upon returning home, the dudes accidentally break the new vase and have to confess to Missy they broke her vase. Missy then confesses her vase was a freebie given out by the new Chinese restaurant in town, Oodles of Noodles.

Bill and Ted are in danger of flunking their Music Appreciation class most heinously (they identify the William Tell Overture as the theme song to The Lone Ranger) unless they write an essay on classical music by the next morning. They head to the San Dimas Mall to do some research but aren't able to relate since none of the old time dudes played electric guitar. Rufus shows up, unable to assist them, but with clearance to say three words, "Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart". The dudes travel back to Salzburg, Austria, to ask Mozart for help with their report, but accidentally go back too far and end up babysitting the way juvenile pre-composer instead. Intending to take Mozart into the future in hopes he'll relate to Deacon, the trio is waylaid when Wolfie needs to make a pitstop and they end up in Macon, Georgia in the 50's where Wolfie's pranks inadvertently gets a young dishwasher named Richard Penneman fired from his job. Bill & Ted recognize the unemployed man as Little Richard and encourage him to pursue a future in recording, helping him along by paying him to babysit Mozart while they search for another composer to help with their report. In search of William Tell (who wrote that most outstanding overture) the dudes venture to Switzerland, and after a harrowing slide down the Matterhorn in their phone booth, they run afoul of the egregious authority figure who's obsessed with the beauty of his own hat, which they cause to land in some mud, and are thrown into prison. In the meantime, Little Richard books a recording studio to record his first demo and with the help of an intrigued little Mozart, comes up with a whole new style of music destined to take the world by storm. Meanwhile, during their incarceration Bill & Ted briefly meet William Tell, who simply informs them he hates music before making his escape. Facing a lengthy prison sentence, the dudes plead to have an alternative punishment, and are told if one can shoot an arrow of the other one's head they can go free. Ted succeeds in shooting an apple off Bill's head with a paper triangular football (folded from an 81/2" x 11" piece of notebook paper, three hole punched) but only after he also manages to knock the authority figure's hat in the mud again. They make an escape back to Georgia in time to see Little Richard and the Wolfman ride up in a fancy car (driven by Rufus), the former now a huge musical success. Little Richard returns the favor by performing "Good Golly, Miss Molly" with Mozart in the San Dimas High School yard for Bill & Ted's report on how rock 'n roll and classical music are really one in the same. They then return Mozart to his time period where his parents are distressed to learn he has decide to become a most bodacious musician.

Bill and Ted are called to Vice Principal Ryan's office for a meeting with their parents after they sign up for spring term classes . . . choosing only Study Hall and Girls P.E. There they learn they are to take a series of most egregiously tough classes, including Latin! They are horrified to learn that the Latin class is made up entirely of dweebs, and that their first assignment is to decipher the Latin on a rare ancient Roman coin minted for only one day in the realm of Julius Caesar. Conferring at the Circle K, they decide to go back to when the coin was made to find one. Accidentally they find themselves in Latin America instead, in the midst of an Incan rain dance ceremony. They are mistaken for rain gods and given a sumptuous banquet. All is well until they are called upon to make it rain, and when they can't the Incans attempt to boil them in oil as a sacrifice to their Sun God. The Three Most Important People send Rufus to their aid, but before he arrives the dudes are able to escape by talking the Incans into letting them make one phone call. As Bill & Ted head to Ancient Rome, Rufus finds himself the new target of the Incans' sacrifice (luckily he is later saved by the Three Most Important People). After a close call landing in the middle of a fight between two gladiators, Bill & Ted decide the best way to get the coin they need is by working for it. They are hired by a woman who needs help catering Caesar's tailgate party. They find themselves in the palace of Julius Caesar and unwittingly become the scapegoats for two evil Romans plotting to do away with Caesar by poisoning his grape juice. Spilling food on Caesar, Bill accidentally rips the man's robe trying to clean it, but the new ripped style catches on with those in attendance, leading to the first toga party. As the dudes attempt to serve Caesar his grape juice, the emperor calls for a food taster (picking out Rufus, who is in disguise as a partying Roman). It is discovered the drink is poisoned, and Rufus helps the boys escape. They are pursued by the two evil Romans, in a combination James Bond / Ben Hur style chariot race. Ducking into the Coliseum to escape their pursuers, Bill & Ted find themselves the main attractions facing a hungry lion. Rufus steps in, acting as referee, to save the dudes from being eaten. Realizing they need to save Rufus in turn, Bill & Ted hope to rain out the game by doing the Incan rain dance, which works. Bill & Ted are then captured and about to be found guilty of trying to murder Caesar when the real assassins are revealed and Bill & Ted are declared heroes instead. Caesar proclaims it Bill & Ted day and announces the minting of a one-time only, collector's item commemorative coin. Back in San Dimas, the Latin class has deciphered the front side of the coin as meaning "Let the festivities be prolonged ad infinitum", or as Bill & Ted point out, "Party On, Dudes". The dudes pass their Latin assignment by translating the flip side of the coin as "Be Excellent to Each Other".

After Detective Logan manages to survive Ted's 41st (and last) driving lesson in his dad's most macho squad car, Bill expects Ted to drive them down to the record store to pick up the new Iron Maiden CD. Borrowing Detective Logan's Classic 1973 Plymouth Duster named "Blue Betty", and with Rufus along as their licensed driver (he shows up to take their phone booth in for its 20,000 Year Checkup) they end up stalled in the middle of an intersection and blocking traffic. Leaving Rufus to try to fix the car, the dudes go back in time to try to find someone to help them. Dialing in Plymouth they end up at Plymouth Rock when the Pilgrim's have just landed. Caught between the fighting Pilgrims and Indians, they offer to cook them dinner to help them come together. They are told to cook a baby turkey, but unable to harm the little creature they instead serve up cherry, cranberry, corn, squash and trout Frosty Slushes then Chicago-style pizza, which land them in the stocks. They are freed by a Native American wanting their trout Frosty Slush recipe and again attempt to use the booth to continue their quest, but the booth goes out of control because of not being serviced and they end up on the ship of Sir Frances Drake, who is being attacked by the infamous Pirate O'Malley. When the ship is boarded by the pirates, it turns out Pirate O'Malley is a woman, and Bill & Ted point out she doesn't have a parrot on her shoulder and offer her the baby turkey they rescued earlier. It is then disclosed that O'Malley wasn't attacking Drake to rob him, she simply wanted him to join her bowling league (the cannonballs were actually bowling balls). Returning to San Dimas, the dudes find Rufus being arrested by Ted's dad for stealing and tearing apart his car. Overhearing Ted's Dad saying it would take a Henry Ford to put the car back together, they attempt to travel to Detroit in 1903, but accidentally end up in Dayton, Ohio, where they meet the Wright Brothers. The brothers are working on a faster bicycle, but Bill & Ted use it to fly up to where their phone booth has gotten stuck, inspiring the Orville and Wilbur to go build a phone booth. Finally arriving in the right time, the dudes find Henry Ford stalled in an intersection in his horse and wagon and convince him to go to San Dimas with them. They find Ted's dad's car in the impound lot and Henry Ford manages to put it back together. He enjoys the work so much he decides he will build cars from then on. Bill & Ted then explain to Detective Logan that Rufus was only trying to help them fix Blue Betty, then overhear that a load of Iron Maiden CDs has spilled into an intersection and hurry there to help them clean up the mess, and are given free copies of the CD in return for their help.

Ted is practicing guitar in his room when a most odious aroma assails his noseholes. He finds his little brother, Deacon, in the backyard turning on the water hose to wash himself off. Deacon relates how Killer Gabron, a bully at school, threw him into a garbage can. Ted decides to try helping Deacon deal with his bully problem. He finds Bill playing video games at the Kozy Korner and as they ponder the situation Rufus appears briefly (in the video game) to tell them they need to figure out what to do themselves. They decide to go back into history and find a most heinous bully to take care of Deacon's bully. They first visit Henry VIII, but he cannot help them because he has a date with Ann Bolin, so he suggests they try Ivan the Terrible. They go to Russia to seek out Mr. Terrible, only to find that in reality he's a major dweeb (his fierceness, he explains, is all image). They next head to South Dakota to seek out Calamity Jane, who they find, true to her name, makes calamities happen wherever she goes. She agrees to go with them, but her awesome talent of destruction sabotages their booth, so they push her out before they spiral out of control through time. They pop up into the silver shop of Paul Revere. When Bill accidentally knocks over the Liberty Bell, causing it to crack, Paul Revere mistakes the dudes for British spies. Escaping from the shop, the dudes duck onto a ship where they are put to work unloading a shipment of British tea. They accidentally drop two crates of tea into Boston Harbor, which inspires some revolutionists (who just happen to be dressed like Indians for a costume party) to stand up to their oppressors and dump all of the tea into the harbor. Bill & Ted are heralded as the leaders of the American Revolution. They ask if anyone can help them fix their phone booth, and Benjamin Franklin volunteers, using a kite to channel lightning into the booth. The revolutionists ask Bill & Ted to stay and help them. Ted makes a speech, saying he has learned that only if people work together can they stand up to bullies. The dudes return to San Dimas and tell Deacon to stand up to Killer Gabron. Deacon does this, inspiring the other kids in his class to also stand up to the bully, who gets his just desserts (ending up in the garbage himself). Bill and Ted ponder the fact that they brought about the American Revolution but no one will ever know, so they time travel to 1776 to sign the Declaration of Independence, only to find that John Hancock has hogged all the space (we learn it was, in fact, Rufus, singing the name big so the dudes would not be able to sign themselves).

Bill & Ted agree to housesit for Bill's neighbor, an eccentric explorer and bird expert named Mr. Stickler. They are instructed to make sure Mr. Stickler's cat, Max, stays out of the house to protect Prince Rupurt the III, his prized African buff-headed wood hoopoe. Unfortunately, no sooner does Mr. Stickler leave than the dudes find out they accidentally left the door open and Max has already made a snack of the rare bird. Realizing they need to find a replacement bird, they look up "bird" in the Circuits of Time directory and end up in Antarctica with explorer, Admiral Byrd. Having landed on his sleigh dog's kennels, the dudes must rebuild them before going with Admiral Byrd, which they do by making it out of ice, igloo style. Unfortunately they are not in time to fly with Admiral Byrd and start out after him on dogsled. They meet up shortly afterward to find all their compasses going crazy, and Byrd announces they have discovered the South Pole. Unfortunately for the dudes, there are no birds around except penguins, so they continue their search through time. They land in Egypt where they are put to work on the Pharaoh's tomb. They accidentally cause a giant block to drop on the Pharaoh's barge and are brought before King Tut for punishment. Seeing they are about to use a large tablet to write upon, Ted suggests they use one of Prince Rupert's feathers and some of Nefertiti's eye makeup, showing them how to write with a pen and paper. Impressed by this, King Tut gives Bill & Ted the honor of immortalizing his face in stone. They proceed to build the Sphinx for him. Unfortunately, they make the nose so large it falls off. Infuriated, King Tut sends his guards after the dudes and they are only able to escape after Rufus intervenes, distracting the guards with the second booth. They next travel to Africa where they end up on the boat of Henry Stanley, newspaperman, and his monkey companion, Jane, who are searching for explorer Dr. Livingston. He points out there are plenty of the birds around and even catches one for them. Mr. Stanley asks Bill & Ted to stay for dinner. Unfortunately the villagers serve them the dudes' replacement bird and they must continue on with Mr. Stanley to find another one. After making it through some white water rapids, Henry Stanley finds Dr. Livingston, who offers Bill & Ted another replacement hoopoe, anxious to get rid of the noisy creature. The dudes hurry the new Prince Rupert the III to Mr. Stickler's house and it looks like their deception has worked until Prince Rupert turns out to be a Princess Rupert and lays an egg.