Up Pompeii!

Lurcio struggles to deliver the prologue; Ludicrus Sextus suggests the price of freedom should be 500 drachma; and Captain Bilius' shipment of slave girls brings an opportunity to make money.

Ludicrus Sextus must choose Miss Vestal Virgin of BC72, Noxious plots to rig the contest because of the Senator's stance on bawdy houses, and Lurcio is told to find someone more suitable.

Ludicrus becomes involved in a plan to assassinate Julius Caesar. Ammonia gives Lurcio the job of foiling the plot. Lurcio is arrested and taken to Caesar's lieutenant, Ponderous. He's forced to impersonate Caesar in an attempt to catch the plotters.

Ammonia is expecting an unwelcome visit from an old flame. She tells Lurcio to get rid of him using a poisonous asp. When a man arrives at the front door, Lurcio disposes of him, as instructed. Then Ludicrus announces that he's expecting a visit from Stovus Primus...

An army has to be raised to go to Britain to put down revolting natives. Lurcio is forced to go along, though he'd prefer not to.

When the Olympia Theatre Company comes to town, Ammonia sends Lurcio to the theatre with a note for one of the actors, who's one of her old flames. At the same time Ludicrus wants Lurcio to deliver a note to one of the actresses.