Popetown

A group of disabled children are coming to meet the Pope and perform, but the Pope has gone missing (playing hide-and-seek too well). Father Nicholas, in desperation to keep the days activities running seeks out a Pope impersonator. This impersonator is an exact image of the Pope, but unlike the real Pope, who is a young child with a girlie voice, the impersonator is a Jewish man with a Brooklyn/Jew accent. To pull off the scheme, he must be seen but not heard.

The Cardinals are hoping to secure a 'sponsorship deal' with the pending visit of a head of state and his darling wife. Problem is, this head of state is a gun toting dictator, and his only interests are seeing that his wife is pleased, and killing people who displease his wife. Father Nicholas has been given the task of tidying up the Pope prior to their arrival. Pope however has been attempting a record-breaking stint of going unwashed for 3 months!

It's the Pope's birthday, and Pope has the unusual tradition of performing a dangerous stunt as part of the birthday celebrations, and this year Pope wants to fly (without wings or other aerial support). Ivan the Invincible, the 'meanest badass wrestler the world has ever seen' has arrived to see the Pope, who is a huge fan, and Pope wants Ivan to help him fly by throwing him into the air. Meanwhile, Father Nicholas has been desperately trying to find a present for the Pope, and in his haste he bursts into the room where Pope and Ivan are, but as Nicholas bursts through the door the door knocks out Ivan. Sister Penelope (the newsreading nun with curves that an hourglass would envy) sends up the event as if Father Nicholas had beaten Ivan in a bout, and Nicholas gets caught up in the hype, and set up for a rematch!

Spencer the monkey has disappeared from the Popetown Zoo, and the buildings of Popetown are falling apart. Sister Penelope, always after a popular story, has tricked Father Nicholas into joining her in the catacombs for an interview, and Father Nicholas passes the responsibility of puting the young Pope to bed over to Sister Marie. Pope fools Sister Marie into believing that the energy drink Purple Papal Bull is a bed-time drink, and he guzzles down the whole can - only to end up fizzing, belching and 'jet' propelling himself all over the place... and then the energy part kicks in, sending Pope into an even greater frenzy. Pope ends up burning off the energy in the catacombs, but sets off a ceiling collapse that traps Pope, Father Nicholas, Sister Penelope and Sister Marie, and it's up to the Cardinals to form a rescue team.

Father Nicholas disrupts a hive of bees, and the resultant swarm seeks refuge by flying into the gaping mouth of the Pope while he's asleep. The bees become trapped in Pope's stomach, and their combined efforts to fly out result in the Pope becoming levitated! Father Nicholas assumes the levitation indicates the Pope has become posessed, and seeks an exorcism. But the exorcist has been through one too many exorcisms already, and is only interested in hiding from the devils. Meanwhile, the Cardinals have discovered a creme that miraculously reduces the effects of aging, injury and deformity (but only temporarily). They set about making a fortune 'rejuvenating' the masses.

The Cardinals want to capture the immense publicity of having the Pope as striker for an International Class Football (soccer) team. Father Nicholas is given the task of assembling a team from Popetowns somewhat rag-tag residents. .. as impossible as that may seem.